David-John's Daily Blog

Happy Anniversary

2009-07-27T22:43:00.000-07:00

Today is my parent's 21st anniversary of being Spiritually In Wedlock and I have to say I'm honored to call them my Mhaum and Dyiad. Here's a video gift I gave to them wrapped in my dog's christmas stocking. Leave your well wishes to the happy couple in the comments section...

You Thought Monet Was Wacked Out...

2009-07-14T17:05:00.000-07:00

What's up drones. Just a little update on my so called life. Now, if you're anything like me, you have a great appreciation for arts and crafts and all that they can do in the way of releasing "inner daemons" so to spaek (lol). Well, given the fact that I'm now in college and all, some awesome people in my Media Arts for Non Majors class have been, how shall I say, opening the doors of perception for me. In lame man's terms, I've been seeing some sick-ass art. So I thought a little show and tell was in order (not in the lame kindergarten sense,though, duh...)

(Disclaimer: If you are in fact a lame kindergartener, you just might want to get your parents' okay before continuing, lest I shatter your feeble perceptions of reality.) >:P

I swear I saw this when I blacked out at the dining hall the other day. Crazy college daze lol.

This one just about sums up my views on politics.

It's times like these I wish my spirit animal weren't a wolverine. Then again, most times it's pretty handy. Anyway the fine detail in this one nearly knocked yours truly on his cloven feet.

This one's self-explanatory.

So it seems I've been mostly drawn to wolf- and head- related imagery. More on that mystery as it unfolds. In terms of more awesome art pics, I'll be updating you maggots with any new finds. Till then, happy huldra hunting.

Pauline & Susan

2009-07-05T23:26:00.000-07:00

"This is a pic of my cousins Pauline & Susan on "The White Room" ride at Dorney Park. its basically like the Tower of Terror elevator drop except this one also simulates dying and flashes pictures of your previous life as a different person at breakneck pace. i've only been on once and it just showed me pictures of me graduating middle school. shits fukk'd up. also, Pauline & Susan are lesbians but lyk w/e i love them, so deal with it"

Happy 'It Depends' Day

2009-07-04T10:31:00.000-07:00

Ok so it's July 4th, and my dad always taught me to call this day 'It Depends' Day because you need to decide how you want to interpret this country's history of slaughter and genocide. On one hand, you may choose the Blue pill, and see America as a Chris Columbus, American Pie, Johnny BlueBottoms, Turner & Hooch, Jim Gaffigan dream machine of truth and promise.

However, If you decide to take the Red pill, you may see this nation as a frickin Dick Cheney, Milhouse Nixon, Suburbian cage rat, BelliFlops 4 Sadness, Cursed Apprenticeship, James, James, James that it really is.

Make sense?

Aiight, long story short, here are the fireworks you should blow yr dick off with:

- Miyagi Suprise - good visuals, excellent spark flowering
- '98 Fart Cramp - noisy but good
- Fat Boy Pennebaker - one of my favorite underrated missile projectiles
- Blue Lady Morena - this one dances, folks; she's a delight on the eyes
- Bermuda Hand Job - can someone say "light up the sky and my life, David-John"?
- Tanks - bro, cmon you gotta show love for tanks
- Greek Candle - i fire these at my neighbor's cat and she loves it
- Bitchy Russian Landlord Who Always Has Food On The Sides Of Her Lips - this ones just ok

"my buddy greg is crazy. RIP greg"

"aunt judy singing the national anthem"

"PETE. if you guys knew pete, you'd know that this is so classic Pete"

"this puts a lump in my throat, just cause its so real and true, w/e"

"Uncle Salvator, the Matinee Magician. he cut me in half once in his attic"

"my 5th grade entry in the "What Does It Mean To Be American?" art contest."

"i was left strapped in for 19 consecutive rides on this because i couldn't reach the buckle. doing homework that night was hard"

"im waiting for you Alyssa..."

"i love jay z"

"This movie's themes challenged me; What are we willing to sacrifice for an end to chaos? Are aliens real? Could Pullman pull off a successfull presidency? Your call."

My Thoughts On Jacko

2009-07-03T11:10:00.000-07:00

Ok, so MJ is dead and things are different. W/e we gotta deal with it. But I thought i'd use this time to reflect on my experience listening to the one and only Mr. Michael Jackson.

I can remember being 9 years old with my headphones on when I first heard the soothing, gentle voice that would change my understanding of this hellish Matrix of a world forever: "Hello David John, nice to meet you." I took my headphones off and reluctantly shook the hand of who my mom explained would be my nanny for the day while she visited her sister in Death Valley.

"What's up, it's a pleasure." I didn't know who this white skinned man with a beautiful black mane was yet, but boy was I in for a treat. The following 8 hours were an absolute shit show. Mr. Jackson took me under his wing (he had small, freakish wing-like growths emerging from each side of his lower back - something that intrigued me instantly) and brought me over to a small jacquzzi-like hole in his kitchen filled entirely with Heath Bars and Jolly Ranchers. I shit a brick in my pants right then and there.

After I had been cleaned up, he took me outside where 18 other boys and girls were playing on what I can only describe as a "Fukkin Sweet Futuristic Jungle Gymnasium".

"What's wrong, David-John, don't you wanna go play with the other children?"

I hadn't taken my pills so I sneezed and spewed blood everywhere on the gravel. This made Mr. Jackson laugh.

"I like you David-John. You make me laugh. Tag, you're it..."

At this point Wacko picked up a handful of the bloody gravel beneath my boots and giddily poured them over my head and ran away behind a near by tree to laugh into his hands.

I was pissed. "Yo, fuk you" I muttered to myself. I looked down and picked up a good sized stone and swallowed it whole. Then I picked up another one and threw it as hard as I could in Mr. J's direction. It hit him in the knee cap and he fell to the ground in pain.

"David John! Why'd you do that?! That hurt!!"

All the other children stopped playing on the jungle gym and stared at the situation. Everyone slowly walked over to a weeping Michael jackson but I rushed over and broke up the crowd.

"Give him air, give him air, I got this."

I ordered 3 of the other children to collect supplies from a nearby forrest. But before I could attempt to cure him, I hear his hushed sobs turn into quite laughter.

"That was funny! I'm ok, don't worry children..."

One small boy walked over and hugged michael while glaring at me with scorn. "Are you sure you're ok, Michael? That was mean of that boy to do..."

I fukkin laughed and made a gesture like I was preparing to shoot him with an invisible shotgun. He stepped away.

"Slip and slide!!!" MJ jumped up and ran away. Suddenly sprinklers turned on and a huge blue plastic cover unrolled down a small decline in the yard. MJ ran as fast as he could toward the downhill tarp and slid standing up, but then began moonwalking back up the slope and then back down, doing giant circles on the slippery wet surface for a good 45 minutes. I watched and ate 7 plates of funnel cake.

After singing happy birthday to no one in particular we went into his movie room for a screening of Baby Geniuses 2. I didn't understand if the babies were real or not so I freaked out and sat against the wall outside. Michael must have noticed me leave and felt bad so he came out to talk.

"David John...what's wrong?"

"I just don't 'get' baby humor ok. It's too witty, whatever I'm dumb, just like they all say."

MJ sat down next to me.

"Oh DJ. You're not dumb. You're not dumb at all. In fact, I think you're one of the smartest people I've met. You know, you remind me of someone."

I looked up. "Really? Who?"

"Me. We're both outsiders, just trying to make sense of the world around us."

I looked at his broken, tethered face and started making hissing sounds. He became confused. So was I, w/e. "Hissssssssss!" He joined in and we sat there hissing for the remainder of the film. MJ was alright.

The day ended with all of us sitting around a campfire drinking alcohol which rokked. Everyone went one by one, telling funny stories about getting scared or being stung by bees. When it was my turn, I stood up and put on my glasses and took out a few pieces of paper i had prepared and began roasting Michael, based on the information I had learned that day.

"Talk about Bad, was there anything about that album that was Good? And Lisa Marie Presley folks, you gotta give it up for Lisa Marie Presely. Michael, you married a beautiful woman. But jesus, did you have to make out like that in front of millions at the MTV music awards? Save it for the bedroom. I'm David-John, Thank you."

I sat back down to no applause. I lit up a cigarette i stole from my step dad. Tough crowd.

Anyway, I'll never forget my time with Michael Jackson and all he did for me. He was a musical baby genius and sort of a pussy when he got hit in the knee with rocks. R.I.H.

More Scrapbook Stuff

2009-07-02T16:00:00.000-07:00

"I was freaked out the first time I saw naked boobs, but now I'm pretty used to it."

"My cousin seeing how high he can jump"

"The lead singer from my band at Alternative Prayer Camp"

"My brother showing off his inheritance money"

"The theme park me and my cousin are building"

"My stepdad's upstate bagel farm"

"My dog who died while making faces at me from behind wet concrete"

w/e, randoms

2009-07-02T13:19:00.000-07:00

"the drawing i got expelled for in first grade"

"Bro imagine killing someone with this...some medieval shit.."

"Me at spring formal"

"Ugh vacationing with relatives is so embarrassing"

"I've been thinking of sex a lot recently"

"Ugh, my Nannas trying to lighten the mood at Uncle Louis' funeral and it NOT working."

"The result of my CAT scan test"

Weird Comments & Graphics

Some stuff about me, idk

2009-06-30T15:29:00.001-07:00

Hey, I'm David John. I just moved into college. I see the number 4 whenever I close my eyes. I'm currently working sales at my Uncle's Men's Wearhouse but seeking an internship at Google or the White House. Radiohead is fu*kin gay. Joe Rogen is hilarious. I may or may not try and become a General in a war. All in all, whatever. You wouldn't understand me anyway.

So I decided to start this blog as both a way to document my time at college and as an outlet for my general thoughts/hatreds/manifestos. But be warned: This Isn't Your Daddy's BlogSpot; Good God, This Isn't Papa's Playhouse.

I'll be updating this everyday so be sure to check back often cause I'm trying to get paid for this.

"My sister on her graduation from business school."

"My mom on Halloween last year."

"my room"

"something my mom drew. like, its gay but like, the stenciling is sick, like my mom doesn't draw alot, so.."

"i get a halfy every time i see this"

"me and my family preparing our joint surgery before the trip to montaulk"

"finally getting my dog to smile for his portrait, fu*kin mutt"

"my ceiling fan"

"the cd jacket i designed for my step dad's brother's band."

"you can find the link to the petition i started to get I'm With Busey on dvd in the upper right hand corner of this bloggerspot."

"An award i had to walk up and receive on honors day at Camp Regis (the day before we actually had to leave to go back home). I was so clumsy with the speech and the ear bars to my reading glasses wouldn't open right but i made everyone in the cafetorium laugh when i joked about how we finally got to sleep in while the councilers in training had to get up and get things ready for parent pick-up. Everyone had been thinking that so it was funny, the older councelers thought it was funny too, so that felt good. It turned out this was just a dream, though."

"the fire my older brother started at the firehouse."

"hilarious birthday card my dad got me"